After somehow getting by with my partial-fluency of the Filipino language, I finally got around to looking up some words, specifically family relations. I usually don't bother looking up definitions. I can usually figure stuff out by context. The only time that it's a big problem for me is when someone asks me "Kanin or kaliwa"  -- "Left or right". Yeaah. Big problem there. So I just say it in english. Not that I speak anything but English, but that's besides the point. But there was this one thing that I was really curious about:

Sometimes my brother gets a little flustered and confused when he answers the phone. More so if it's a call from someone in the Philippines.  So, one time, when he took a message and told my mom, she laughed when he told her who it was from. Huh?

 

I used to get into big tiffs with a well-meaning friend of mine over the issue of family relations and titles. She's Caucasian of mixed European descent and has a very clear and definite grasp of the etymology. It drove me absolutely batty whenever I tried to talk about my extended family. It was near impossible to get through a conversation using Filipino terms without her correcting me. The child of my 1st cousin is not my nephew but my 1st cousin once removed. The child of my 1st cousin once removed is not my parents' grandchild but their great nephew....an idea that displeases my parents greatly. Who wants to say such long pretentious titles all the time? *scoff" at least I don't refer to them by their Filipino titles to non-filipino people and sound even more pretentious and learned...ahem.

 

Anyway, the general rule is this: if they're older than you but in the same generation, then they can be called Ate or Kuya (older sister/older brother). They're they're closer to your parents age, then they're your Tita or Tito (Aunt/Uncle). All cousins are Pinsan. No 1st or 2nd or removal nonsense. Straight up cousins.

The confusing part lays in the birth order of siblings. What the Tagalog language lacks in the 1st/2nd removal nonsense is of course is made up in the sibling category. At least it isnt as wordy.

At the tender age of 5, I asked my mom why can't I call Tita Cora, "Ate" like she does? Simple, she said. Because she's my sister and not yours. My 5 year old brain gears started turning. But, I'm "Ate" to my brother, but my parents call me "Ate" and so does everyone else. And my parents call each other mom and dad, leading to even more confusion. I didn't realize the custom was to call everyone what the youngest child would call everyone doesn't always apply.

Ok, I get that. So, why does my mom call my Tita Onding "Dete" and my Tito Ramon "Sangko" and my Tito June "Diko"? I always thought they were nicknames, just like all the other weird nicknames Filipino parents give their kids. And why doesn't my mom call her sister Russell "Ate" too? I call all of my older female cousins Ate. All of my younger relatives call me Ate too. So, what's up with that?

According to this wonderful forum post online, those words actually specify birth order. Pasted in for convenience:

bunso - youngest child
kuya - oldest brother
diko - second eldest brother
ate - oldest sister
dete - second eldest sister

So that explains it. I guess my brother and I have it easy. I'm the Ate. He's Max. Just Max. lol.
 

It's also interesting to note how flexible this naming custom is. If they're your cousin's children, they're your niece/nephew. This is exactly what lead my friend to lecture me so much. Filipinos consider those children to be the next generation, not the same as yours per se. My uncle used to insist that his grandkids call me Tita, and my parents Lolo and Lola, but they didn't like that too much. So, we all were mass demoted back to Ate, Tito and Tita. Now, to make matters even more confusing, those grandkids call my uncle "daddy" just like their parents and uncles and aunts. They call their father "Dada." But I guess the flexibility only goes so far.

 

Which brings me back to what my mom thought was so funny:  "Moooom! Tita Dete called!!"

"Auntie Older sister"??

 

We haven't let up on him for that language scramble since...but my "Tita Dete" seems to find it hilarious, so that's what we call her now. ^_^